


Mabel's Guide to Being Class President

by shopgirl152



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Campaign promises, Campaigning, Class Elections, Class President, Elections, Flimsy campaign promises, Gen, Hanging Chad, Humor, Mabel's Guide to Life, One Shot, Parody, Platform, Political Platform, Politics, Satire, Screenplay/Script Format, The Political Process, Votes, Voting, candidates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3461357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopgirl152/pseuds/shopgirl152
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And now it’s time for…Mabel’s Guide to Being Class President! First of all, being class president is a huge honor! But, it takes lots of work to get there!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mabel's Guide to Being Class President

[ _Open on a scene showing Dipper and Mabel running from a Gremloblin_.]

 **Mabel** : And that’s how you outsmart a Gremloblin! [ _runs faster_ ] Dipper, no! Not the eyes! Not the eyes!

[ _Mabel’s Guide to Life Theme_ ]

 **Mabel** : And now it’s time for…Mabel’s Guide to Being Class President! First of all, being class president is a _huge_ honor! But, it takes lots of work to get there! The first thing you need are candidates! [ _the camera pans to show Candy, Grenda, Pacifica and Dipper all standing in a line_ ] These are the people representing you! [ _stage whisper to the camera_ ] Choose wisely or you could be subjected to the Cafeteria’s leftover liverwust from last year. Now—

 **Dipper** : Uh Mabel, why are we doing this now? It’s the middle of summer; school doesn’t start until fall.

 **Mabel** [ _turns the camera so its aimed at her face_ ]: Obviously, my brother has no idea how this works. [ _camera cuts to a close up of Dipper_ ] We’re starting now because as everyone knows, you have to start campaigning early! Preferably a year or two before the school year, but a few months before works too. The earlier you start, the more votes you can get!

 **Dipper** : And the more school clubs and committees can bribe you!

 **Mabel** : [ _lowers camera_ ] Don’t do that.

 **Dipper** : Sorry.

[ _camera cuts to next scene_ ]

 **Mabel** : Next up: platform! What do you stand for? Which issues will you address? What do you hope to change? We’ll ask our candidates and see how they do! [ _turns the camera on Candy_ ] Candy, what do you stand for?

 **Candy** : I stand for good grades and ways to improve human beings. If you vote for me, I will give everyone salad fingers.

 **Mabel** : Very nice. Grenda?

 **Grenda** : A cute boy in every classroom! [ _sidles up to Dipper_ ] How ya doin hot stuff?

 **Dipper** : Ew. Get away from me.

 **Mabel** : O…kaay…not what I was expecting, but I’ll go with it. Pacifica, what do you hope to change?

 **Pacifica** [ _looking bored_ ]: Like school. If you elect me, you’ll never have to go to school again. Like ever.

 **Mabel** [ _nervous laugh_ ]: Okay, good. We’re not doing campaign promises yet, but…on to Dipper! [ _she pans the camera to him_ ]

 **Dipper** : Well, there are a lot of issues I could stand for. Like less homework, longer vacations and—

 **Mabel** : Oh I’m sorry, out of time!

 **Dipper** : What?

[ _camera cuts to the kids lined up outside, surrounded by poster supplies_ ]

 **Mabel** : Next up: Campaigning! You’ll need lots and lots of glitter for this!

 **Dipper** : What does glitter have to do with campaigning?

 **Mabel** [ _holds up a huge poster that’s been bedazzled and decked out with bright shiny glitter_ ] In order to make them noticeable, they have to _shine_! [ _she angles the poster so it catches the sunlight_ ]

 **Dipper** [ _yelps in pain_ ]: My eyes!

 **Mabel** : Also…

[ _camera cuts to inside the house. Stan and Soos are sitting at a card table in the living room, a phone in front of each of them_ ]

 **Mabel** : Phoning it in! If you want to campaign, you have to reach a lot of people quickly. So, call them and make them vote for you! It’s like a telethon, only better!

[ _cut to Stan on the phone_ ]

 **Stan** : Yeah, you better vote for Dipper! He’s the best—you don’t say…how about a little wager? I make sure this kid gets elected and you buy my summer overstock from last year.

 **Mabel** : Grunkle Stan, I don’t think—

 **Stan** : Not now honey. Making a deal here.

[ _camera pans to Soos_ ]

 **Soos** : Yes, I’d like one pepperoni anchovy pizza with extra sauce and…uh, was there something I was supposed to ask you?

 **Mabel** : [ _Does a facepalm_ ]

[ _cut to Mabel holding the camera with one hand so it’s aimed at her face_ ]

 **Mabel** : Well, phoning it in might not be working to great, but there’s another fun part of campaigning, which is also the most important thing. Campaign promises! What will you do for the voters?! Pick your flimsy campaign promises and get out there and sell yourself! You’ll need lots of voters, so be friendly, amiable and introduce yourself to people!

[ _cut to Dipper standing on a Soapbox in the middle of the Gravity Falls Mall_ ]

 **Dipper** : If you elect me, I promise to bring healthier food to the cafeteria, more books to the library and a way to track down all the monsters in Gravity Falls!

 **Mall patron** [ _stops and looks at him_ ]: Weirdo

 **Dipper:** [ _sighs_ ]

[ _cut to Candy in another corner of the mall, also on a Soapbox_ ]

 **Candy** : If you vote for me, I will give you salad fingers! [ _she holds up a contraption attached to her wrist that has a fork attached_ ] If you do not vote for me, you will feel my wrath!

[ _cut to Grenda in the third corner of the mall, handing out stickers_ ]

 **Grenda** : A cute boy in every classroom! Vote Grenda for Class President! [ _a boy walks over and takes a sticker. She winks at him_ ] Call me cutie.

 **Mabel** : And it looks like we have a favorite—hey, what’s that? [ _she lowers the video camera. Down at the end of the mall is Pacifica. She’s standing on a Soapbox with a huge crowd gathered around her_ ]

[ _the camera starts rolling again, walking towards Pacifica_ ]

 **Pacifica** : I’m like, not even interested in becoming Class President. But if you vote for me, I’ll give you free stuff. Also, I’m rich and popular.

[ _cut to later. Mabel and the others are back at the Mystery Shack_ ]

 **Mabel** : And finally, Election Day! The day when all the votes are counted and we find out who wins! [ _she turns to Waddles_ ] Waddles, the tabulated results, if you please [ _she takes a piece of paper out of his mouth_ ] And the winner is…

 **Dipper** [ _snatches the paper from her, reading_ ]: Pacifica. [ _unimpressed_ ] Of course it is.

 **Pacifica** : Like, later. [ _she exits_ ]

 **Mabel** [ _lunges toward the door as Pacifica leaves_ ]: That’s not fair! I demand a recount! I know there was a hanging Chad in there!

 **Stan** [ _holding her back_ ]: Let it go Sweetie.


End file.
